The Near Side.

For two nights now, after I’ve driven back from the video store, a little bunny has been waiting at the end of our driveway. It looks a bit like the Velveteen Rabbit: silky chestnut fur, white tummy, floppy-eared, bright curious eyes. Both times I’ve parked and tried to tip-toe out of the car. It cocked its head, blinked, and bounded away. Tonight I followed it, singing, Come heeeere, little bunny! Come baacckk! Because I double as a Disney character. I chased it into the shadowy alley between our house and the neighbor’s, and finally stopped trying to entice it when the neighbor’s lights came on and they peered out. Like: What is that RACKET? It’s singing, people. I’m getting the woodland animals to come to me.

Do cuddly bunnies signify anything? I would imagine they’re lucky. People have rabbit’s feet on their keychains (which freaks me out to no end), and that means good luck, and I had a rabbit with FOUR intact feet visit me; TWICE. That has to mean something outrageously good is in the works.

I hope so. Today, and tonight, have been painfully boring. I slept in until almost noon today. Which is pretty unheard of. It’s a testament to my kids that they didn’t break anything or fight while I was unconscious. Elias even came in at about 11 and put his hand on my forehead, which was warm. “You’re so sick,” he whispered. “You go to sleep. I’ll take care of you. Forever.”

(It was more cute and less creepy in person.)

I actually thought I might be under the weather; because I didn’t wake up rested, I woke up just as exhausted and running a fever. I convinced Eli and Addie to watch two hours of television in bed with me because I didn’t want to move. That’s the big thing that sucks about being the mom, at least to small kids. It doesn’t matter if you feel lousy. They still can’t do most things for themselves. Elias is finally old enough to go to the kitchen and make himself food, but he’s terrified to do it (because as soon as I can’t see him, the monsters will sense their opportunity and attack). So, in between Spongebob episodes, I made them sandwiches and got them drinks, changed diapers, picked up toys they threw off the bed. And they rewarded me with 15-minute increments of rest.

My cousin and her kids came over. Eli and Riley LOVE to see each other, but every time, they fight. They fight over toys, over who said something to the other, and over who was thinking of doing or saying something to the other. Elias and Addie squabble, but it’s not like the cousin fighting. Elias always thinks he’s Ordained Master of The Universe, so he’s quick to scold or punish Riley if she misbehaves. That’s my big issue lately. Just getting him to realize he’s not a parent. And most of the things he gets upset about are legitimate, so I always have to tell him that the REASON he is mad is okay, the way he DEALS with it isn’t. I’m not going to stand for him bullying anyone else. I don’t think he thinks of it that way– it’s not in a mocking, cruel way like most bullies are– but he will physically stop Riley from doing whatever is bad. So if she takes Addie’s toy, he’ll jerk it away from her. Or if she’s standing too close to something, he’ll shove her away. And then Riley gets angry and pushes, and Eli gets angry (and indignant, that his help was not appreciated) and he pushes or hits, and it just– we are ALWAYS breaking them up.

And the NEXT DAY they’re crying and begging to see each other. Who knows.

Jason came home. I had gone back to laying in bed, curled in a ball, hot and tired. He was wonderful; totally the perfect dad and husband. He played Zelda with Eli for about an hour. The Game Cube is in Eli’s room now, and he loves it. There just aren’t a lot of games for four-year-olds. We tried Mario Kart, which he’s not too bad at– he just doesn’t get the racing aspect. He’ll navigate the tracks fine, just slowly. So he got frustrated at always coming in last place. Then we did Kirby, but it was the same issue. We tried Animal Crossing, which is too much reading conversations. Finally, I suggested Super Monkey Ball. That went over BADLY. I thought monkeys– balls– super– what could go wrong with this? I totally forgot how hard those mini games are. Flying a monkey into a target in the middle of the ocean was the worst. Elias started crying out of frustration. “I’m just not GOOD at this!” he sobbed. “I’m not GOOD at dese GAMES! I’m BAD AT EVERYTHING!”

“I’m sure there’s something you’ll find and you’ll like,” I comforted him. And then I remembered: ZELDA.

Zelda was my last pick because I assumed the controls would be too hard for him, or the storyline too out there. NO. Elias LOVES Zelda. Elias loves Zelda more than cookies and school and robots. He got into the whole Boy Hero With a Sword and Shield thing immediately (I told him the main character had just turned five, which made him even more excited). He loves saving people in the game. The hero has a little sister (about Addie sized) who gets kidnapped, and he’s very intent on finding her. So Jason helped him on the next leg of that journey, and then Game Cube closed up shop for the night.

After tucking in Eli, J came to peel Addie off me. Addie is in a cat phase. Whenever I want to cuddle with her, she’ll screech and hiss. She’s not having it. The minute I’m busy doing something else, she’s laying all over me. She lays on my keyboard when I’m typing. She lays on my chest while I’m trying to watch a movie. Instead of purring, she does this whole body giggle that is the most delicious sound I’ve ever heard. I love her so much. She drives me crazy with the inopportune snuggling, but I love this age: I wish babies just came as infants and then went right to two and a half. It’s been such a cute time for both of them.

Addie and Eli were asleep by 8. Jason came back in the room. I’m delighted, because I’m thinking we’ll be watching a movie or making more kids or another fun activity. I’m just looking forward to some kind of stimulation after being in a feverish coma for hours. Jason is tired. “I’m just going to go down for an hour,” he yawns. “Just wake me up at 9:30, okay?”

“Okay,” I mope.

Time crawls by. I code what I can on Ali’s site. I read celebrity gossip. Watch movie trailers. 9:30 comes, and I try to wake him up. He doesn’t wake. I shake him, hard, and he opens his red eyes at me. Jason’s eyes get eerily bloodshot when he’s sleeping. “It’s time,” I say. “Let’s do something. I’m dying here.”

“Uh huh,” he whispers. Eyes back closed.

I finally just drove to the video store and picked up a new movie (one on credit card debt: I know), and came back. And then I wrote this. That was my entire day. I have no idea why I feel so drained. I joked to Becky Jo that I had mono, which would not really be funny if it were true, but was a little funny since it isn’t.

I’m just not coherent enough to DO anything, like code more or work on Zombiefighter, but I’m too awake to sleep. There’s nothing I hate more than feeling so listless. Hoping tomorrow arrives with more energy.