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HEY GUYS

IT’S SUPER LATE AND I’M THE ONLY ONE AWAKE

ALSO LOOK: CAPS

IT’S GONNA BE ONE OF THOSE ENTRIES

BUCKLE UP

OKAY SO IT’S FATHER’S DAY FOR ONE MORE MINUTE AND OURS WAS AWESOME

WE WENT TO GO SEE SUPERMAN IN THE THEATERS. PARDON ME: “MAN OF STEEL”

BUT IT WAS SUPERMAN

AND IT WAS ACTUALLY OKAY ALL THE WAY THROUGH. SOLIDLY OKAY. NOT JUST THE FILM, BUT THE KIDS, WHO I WORRIED ABOUT FOR DIFFERENT REASONS. ADDIE HAS DIFFICULTY FOCUSING FOR LONG PERIODS OF TIME SO I WAS LIKE, THREE HOURS IN A THEATER? THIS IS QUESTIONABLE

BUT SHE WAS AMAZING. SHE HATED THE MOVIE AND SHE SAT THERE NICELY ANYWAY. FOR THREE HOURS.

TO BE FAIR, WE DID PLY HER WITH CANDY AND DRINKS

ELIAS I WAS WORRIED ABOUT BECAUSE HE LIVES IN FEAR OF EVERYTHING. FIRST HE WAS AFRAID OF BEING IN A PG13 MOVIE, BECAUSE WE’D NEVER TAKEN THEM TO ONE BEFORE, AND HE WASN’T 13, AND WAS THIS LEGAL? DIDN’T USHERS HAVE THE CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT TO THROW UNDERAGE VIEWERS INTO PRISON?

THEN WHEN HE SAW OTHER KIDS AT THE SCREENING, HE RELAXED. THEN HE WAS AFRAID AGAIN DURING THE FIGHT SEQUENCES

WHICH WERE KIND OF HARDCORE, I WON’T LIE

PEOPLE WERE GETTING CUT IN HALF AND ISH. ALSO SUPERMAN SINKS INTO A SEA OF SKULLS

BUT IT ALL ENDED WELL AND HE WAS INTO IT ENOUGH THAT WHEN I WENT TO THE BATHROOM WITH ADDIE AND CAME BACK, I WAS LIKE, WHAT HAPPENED? AND ELIAS WAS ABLE TO TELL ME CONCISELY ABOUT A PLAN THAT INVOLVED RIPS IN SPACE-TIME

SO! SUCCESS!

JASON SEEMED SUPER HAPPY TOO. HE KEPT CATCHING MY EYE DURING THE FILM, THEN GLANCING AT THE KIDS, THEN GRINNING TO HIMSELF

HE’S HAPPY ALL THE TIME LATELY. IT’S LIKE HE GETS PROGRESSIVELY MORE PLEASED WITH LIFE EVERY DAY. YOU KNOW HOW ON ‘OFFICE SPACE’, THAT GUY’S LIKE, “EVERY DAY YOU SEE ME, THAT’S THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE“? JASON IS THE OPPOSITE OF THAT

BACK TO THE MOVIE: DID YOU KNOW HENRY CAVILL IS IN IT? AND HE LOOKS LIKE THIS?

Man of Steel

OR MORE IMPORTANTLY, THIS?

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YES

YOU JUST GOT INFORMED

HONESTLY, MICHAEL SHANNON IS IN PRETTY SICK SHAPE TOO, BUT I THINK PEOPLE OVERLOOK HIM BECAUSE, AS DEMONSTRATED, HENRY CAVILL LOOKS LIKE THIS:

man-of-steel-henry-cavill-superman-image

AND MICHAEL SHANNON IS BASICALLY A HUMAN PUG:

PUGGLES

(FOR THE RECORD, I LIKE PUGS AND MICHAEL SHANNON)

AFTER THE MOVIE WE WENT HOME FOR AWHILE

I BANTERED WITH TONY VIA THE INTERNET. HE IS MY OTHER BESTIE

I AM SAD TONY LIVES IN CHICAGO BECAUSE I WOULD LIKE TO GO OUT TO LUNCH TOGETHER AND SHARE MY WITTICISMS IN PERSON. I’M A LOT FUNNIER WITH GESTURES

SPEAKING OF LUNCH

BACK IN REAL LIFE, JASON GOT HUNGRY, SO WE WENT TO CHIPOTLE. THAT WAS PRETTY GOOD. I GOT BROWN RICE AND BLACK BEANS AND CHEESE. I LIKE PINTO BEANS BETTER BUT I FOUND OUT THEY WERE COOKED WITH PORK

WHICH EXPLAINS WHY THEY TASTED SO DELICIOUS

BUT, YOU KNOW. I’M STILL TRYING TO WAVE THE VEGETARIAN FLAG. IT’S HARD

QUINOA BURGERS ARE THE ONLY THING LEFT KEEPING ME FROM CROSSING OVER TO THE DARK SIDE

AFTER WE ATE, WE WALKED TO GAMESTOP TO FIND VIDEO GAMES FOR JASON

I MUST INTERJECT HERE

THAT THE NIGHT BEFORE, WE STAYED UP LATE PLAYING “THE LAST OF US”. OR RATHER, J PLAYED, AND I WATCHED

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YOU GUYS

IT RUINED ME FOR EVERYTHING ELSE. IT’S SO EFFING GOOD

LIKE, NO OTHER APOCALYPTIC GAMING TITLES SHOULD EVEN EXIST. IT IS SO FAR ABOVE ANYTHING ELSE IN ITS GENRE

(IF YOU WANT TO BE SPOILED FOR HOW INSANELY AMAZING “LAST OF US” IS, HERE YOU GO. AND IF YOU WANT TO BE SUPER SUPER SPOILED, HERE.)

(I TOTALLY ENDED UP WATCHING LIKE TEN MINUTES OF THAT AND GETTING DISTRACTED. WHERE WAS I)

NOTHING AT GAMESTOP. OF COURSE. LIKE I SAID, IT’S ALL A STEP DOWN AFTER JOEL AND ELLIE

GO TO BEST BUY. J FINDS TWO TITLES, WHICH ARE REMASTERED COLLECTIONS OF OLD SCHOOL FAVORITES

ADDIE FINDS AN NC STATE HAT DISPLAY

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SHE ALSO PICKED UP THE SIMS 3 KATY PERRY SWEET TREATS EXPANSION. I GAVE BOTH THE KIDS SOME MONEY AS AN END-OF-SCHOOL PRESENT. ELIAS SPENT HIS WITHIN FIFTEEN MINUTES OF RECEIVING IT. ADDIE HELD OUT ALMOST A WEEK

THE BEST BUY CHECKOUT GUY WAS LIKE HMMMM, FIRST PERSON SHOOTERS AND A KATY PETTY CANDY GAME

JASON WAS LIKE: “YOU DON’T KNOW MY LIFE, SON”

NO, JUST KIDDING. I WISH HE SAID THAT

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN AWESOME

SOOOO WHAT ELSE HAPPENED THEN

WE WENT HOME. THE KIDS PLAYED ON THEIR COMPUTERS. JASON PLAYED HIS NEW GAMES. I TOOK A WALK WITH MICHELLE AND MILLIE TO THE GROCERY STORE THEN WE CAME BACK

WE TALKED ABOUT SUPERMAN A LITTLE BIT BECAUSE SHE HAD ALREADY WATCHED IT

WE BOTH WERE LIKE MMM HENRY CAVILL

(REFRESHER:)

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THEN SHE SAID IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER IF SUPERMAN WEREN’T SO GOOD ALL THE TIME. WHAT IF HE WAS TEMPTED BY BAD THINGS, BUT THEN OVERCAME THEM, AND HAD TO SACRIFICE HIMSELF TO SAVE THE PEOPLE WHO REJECTED HIM?

THAT WOULD BE INTERESTING, SHE SAID

I WAS LIKE, MICHELLE, THAT STORY ALREADY EXISTS

AND IT’S CALLED THE BIBLE

AND IT’S A BESTSELLER

I WENT HOME AFTER THAT. I LISTENED TO FALL OUT BOY IN THE CAR. FOR THE SIXTH TIME TODAY. I SHOULD BE ASHAMED, BUT HOLY EFF, “THE PHOENIX” IS CATCHY

THAT WAS PRETTY MUCH MY DAY. I EMAILED VERY BRIEFLY WITH AUDREY LAROCHE. KIDS TOOK MEDICINE, TUCKED THEM INTO BED.

JASON AND I ARE FINALLY ALONE. FADE TO BLACK

TIME PASSES. TALK AMONGST YOURSELVES

NOW ONLY I AM AWAKE AND ‘MAD MEN’ IS ON. ‘MAD MEN’ IS GETTING CRAZY GUYS. IS IT WRONG THAT I LOVE PETER CAMPBELL SO MUCH

PROBABLY

HE IS KIND OF AN AWFUL HUMAN

THIS WEEK IS GOING TO BE SUPER EMPTY AND SUPER BORING. IT’S GOING TO RAIN LIKE EVERY SINGLE DAY. I TOLD MYSELF I WAS GOING TO RUN IN THE MORNING AND GO TO THE GYM FOR WEIGHTS IN THE EVENING FOUR DAYS TOO. LIKE MONDAY, TUESDAY, THURSDAY, FRIDAY

BECAUSE I’M CRAZY, I DON’T KNOW

BEING TOTALLY REAL WITH YOU: EVERY TIME I GAIN A POUND, IT GOES DIRECTLY TO MY THIGHS. I DON’T KNOW IF IT’S ALWAYS BEEN THIS WAY AND I WAS BLISSFULLY IGNORANT, OR IF IT’S AN ‘AWESOME’ PERK OF BEING THIRTY

SEE HOW I PUT THAT IN LITTLE QUOTES. BECAUSE IT IS NOT AWESOME AT ALL

ANYWAY THAT IS WHY I AM RUNNING PLUS WEIGHTS, TO COMBAT THE THIGH JIGGLE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE

WHY AM I TELLING YOU THIS?

BECAUSE IT IS 1 IN THE MORNING AND I HAVE NO FILTER OR JUDGEMENT AS TO WHAT IS GOOD BLOG FILLER

ON WEDNESDAY, I HAVE A DATE WITH MY NEIGHBOR VARSHA. WE’RE GOING TO END UP UNDOING ALL THAT WORK WITH WINE AND CAKE

ON SATURDAY, ELIAS IS GOING TO A PARTY FOR A FRIEND

THE THEME IS MEMES

NO JOKE

ELIAS IS VERY EXCITED. HE AND MICHELLE CAME UP WITH A STICKER TO WEAR:

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AND THEN THE WEEKEND AFTER, I’M GOING TO VIRGINIA TO SEE SOME PIRATES. HOPEFULLY I WILL ALSO SEE BECKY JO. WHO IS PREGNANT. WITH A DAUGHTER. SQUEEE

AND THAT IS MY WHOLE LIFE IN A NUTSHELL

I’M NOT REALLY TIRED BUT IT’S SUPER LATE SO I SHOULD PROBABLY LAY IN BED AND CLOSE MY EYES FOR AWHILE

OR, LIKE, OPEN MY EYES AND TURN OUT THE LIGHTS

AND TRY NOT TO THINK OF MONSTERS

OR GHOSTS

… YEAH THIS WILL WORK

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